Famous Sayings - Witty Quoted One Liners
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Famous Sayings - Witty Quoted One Liners |
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 Welcome to our quotes page where you'll find silly quotes, classic funny quotations and famous heard around the world quotes! We have one of the largest archives of known quote archives by Hollywood celebrities on the World Wide Web! Tough Day? Need a laugh? We're happy to oblige! The itscupid jokes and humor archive is the largest of its kind, and is presented with no pesky pop up ads, redirect spam pages or browser spyware to muck up your puter! The world needs more laughter and we've compiled a fantastic array of
the best jokes and graphics that's ever circulated the Internet.
Single and Looking? For a quick one page comparison of the top 20 dating and singles sites, check out our compare popular dating sites chart. Should you prefer a quick loading and easy click graphics page with no text descriptions, click here for our quick click dating reference page. You can also access and read in depth reviews of every leading dating site on the all listed dating sites page. Celebrity Saying and Quotes ArchiveNext Quotes and Sayings Page"I had gone searching for the truth, and found facts instead. I hate that." --Anonymous "I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died." --Steven Wright . "This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it." --unknown "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." - Matt Groening. "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." --Sir Humphrey Appleby. "You'll earn thousands of dollars daily by doing nothing." --Found on a piece of paper in a Fortune Cookie . In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots. --Kaa's Law "Some people look at jerky and say, 'Why?' I look at jerky and say, 'Mmm! Jerky!'. In our view, everybody is a potential partner -- until they shoot at us." - AOL CEO Steve Case. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window --Steve Wozniak To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income. (With thanks to John Pettitt and Ed O'Connell) It happens. Sometimes people just explode. Natural causes. from Repo Man What if this weren't a hypothetical question? "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet" --Al Gore "Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite." - Dan Quayle.
--Ronald Reagan "My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." --President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on "I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." - Abraham Lincoln. "640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates in 1981 "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." --Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." basepall player Pedro Guerrero on reporters "We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics." Bob Ojeda, baseball pitcher "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." Yogi Berra, baseball catcher and manager "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win." -- Doug Collins, basketball commentator "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games." --David Garcia "We have only one person to blame, and that's each other." --Barry Beck, New York Ranger, on who started a brawl. Go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger! "A person knows he has found his true love when they call that person and say: Honey, I just killed someone. And that persons response is: where do we hide the body?" ~"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex...worst 15 minutes of my life. Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. If you need space join NASA baby "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-- Tre Cool of Green Day If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put them all there? If the shoe fits, buy it in every color! I am nobody... nobody is perfect... I must be perfect then.. The best thing about Alzheimer's is : You can hide your own Easter eggs. - Gramps Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. HOWEVER...the roses are dead, the violets are wilting, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head. WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT Why can't I attract men like crazy, Instead of crazy men Next Quotes and Sayings Page Top of Page | Main Humor Archives |
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